I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
