I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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