This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
