He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
