If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Less talking, more tequila
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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