I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
