eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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