Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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