dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
