Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
