I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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