The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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