I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
