:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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