My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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