why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
