Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
