yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
