he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
