you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
