After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
