There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize