thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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