Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
