I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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