1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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