I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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