I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
