This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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