you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
