Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize