I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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