You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
