ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
