I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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