Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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