fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
