my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize