It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
