you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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