actually, I'm a sock model
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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