my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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