i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
