Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize