Sry I called you an 8
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
