The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
