Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
