i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
