Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
