The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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