From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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