Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
do herpes really smell.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
