Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
