Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
