I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize