I just saw a hot homeless man
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
