Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
barbara walters just said penis...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
