She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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