i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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