Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
