I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
