I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
two words...techno handjob
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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