The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
