kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dude. I can hear the air.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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