have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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