Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
