Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
