Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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