we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we're making bets on your personal life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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