Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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