Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
