I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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