I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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