Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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