Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize