i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
