Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
