no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
