I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
