I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize