Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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