The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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