Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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