Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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