I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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