the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
