Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You can't special order awesome
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize