I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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