I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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