I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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