we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
