hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
