is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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