Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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