You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
