I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
