if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
