i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
