The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize