Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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