i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
