i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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