So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
