didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize