i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
