It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
