While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
did you just send me my own nude
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
