So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
