shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
