I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
